One of the worst feelings of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), is feeling like you are the only one going through something. For instance, you might feel like you are the only one struggling financially after quitting your job to become a SAHM. You might also feel like you are the only one who yells at your kids and runs out of patience way too early in the day.
The first thing you need to do, is let go of that thought. You are not alone. You might be going through rough times, but there is hope. Whether you and I go through the same things or not, my point is the same- you are not alone.
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I speak from experience and hope that my testimony can help you in some way. If you have any medical concerns, please seek medical attention from your doctor.
Stay-at-home-mom depression Symptoms
Whether you are already a SAHM and have discovered the major SAHM myths, or are planning on becoming one, the topic of SAHM depression needs to be addressed.
Let’s uncover one of the main cons of being a SAHM- depression. Depression in SAHMs is real. Barbara Kingsolver wrote: “But being a stay-at-home mom was the loneliest kind of lonely, in which she was always and never by herself.”
As a SAHM, you spend a lot of time with kids who don’t really understand the struggles you go through. The conversations I have with my 7 and almost-2-year-old kids is much different than that I have with my husband, or other adults. So, yes, it gets lonely.
Depression comes in my shapes and forms. Please watch out for any of these signs. If you are having a hard time completing every-day tasks, talk to someone about it. There is help and hope for you. Don’t miss out on having a wonderful time and experience as a SAHM.
Read next:
5 Bad Habits Keeping you from Being Productive
5 Tips to Overcome Social Isolation
Symptoms of stay-at-home mom depression:
Hiding your feelings
In his article Suppressing your emotions can be incredibly bad for your health, Thomas Oppong said: Psychologists argue hiding and repressing our emotions only makes it worse. People who regularly refuse to deal with their emotions honestly can have more interpersonal challenges.
Studies show that the more you hold something back or try to force it away, the stronger it becomes. Neuroscience suggests that the more emotions and conflicts a person experiences, the more anxiety they feel.
You might think that your feelings will go away if you suppress them, but that will just make them stronger. When they come out, you will negatively pour them out on innocent people (like your kids or spouse). It is a good idea to have a close friend you can talk to, but if you don’t, search for local counseling centers that will give you that outlet that you need.
Loneliness
“Lonely is not being alone but it’s the feeling that no one cares.” You can feel lonely in the middle of a crowd if you don’t have anyone to talk to. The same thing happens at home. As a stay-at-home mom, you are never alone, yet, you will feel lonely a lot of times. Again, if you are concerned, make sure your voice is heard. Talk about your feelings.
Anger
Do you find yourself getting irritated by the most insignificant things? Maybe it’s time to step back and think about the factors that are causing you to react this way. Some things you can do if you find yourself getting angry easily, you can take a break, workout, chew gum, talk to a counselor, among others found in this article from VeryWellMind.com.
Burnout
Burnout is defined as a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands.
It’s okay to feel like you have a lot going on, but if that feeling doesn’t go away, you need to seek help.
One thing you can do to prevent burnout is have a schedule/routine. Routines may sound boring, but our bodies thrive with them. You can try to eat your meals around the same time every day, maybe wake up around the same time every morning, or exercise around the same time every day, you get the idea. A routine will help your subconscious know what comes next making it easier for you to focus on the tasks ahead.
Stay-at-home-mom schedule
One way to prevent SAHM burnout is to come up with a schedule that fits your lifestyle.
In this post, I give an example of a simple night-time routine for the SAHM.
Remember to find what works for you! There is no perfect routine for you out there because you are unique.
4 Tips for overcoming burnout
Learn when to say no
Many women struggle with saying ‘no’, and end up taking extra tasks that mess with their overall well being. You need to learn how to say no, and mean it. In this sense, you are excused to be selfish. We are used to saying ‘yes’ all the time, that it feels off or wrong to say ‘no’ when we don’t have the time or the energy to spend on that task.
In her article If You Have Trouble Saying ‘No,’ Then Say This Instead, Megan Bruneau states: “And so I was always overbooked and stressed. I felt resentful and frustrated, but in reality I kept myself stuck in the cycle by saying “yes” to everyone and everything. When I got fed up with it all, I would bail, leaving friends upset and contaminating my relief with guilt over being “a flake.”
That is the result of not saying ‘no’.
Learn when to ask for help
Another difficult thing for super moms to do is seek help. We do so much throughout the day, that we feel like we can handle anything and everything that life throws at us, when in reality, we know we could use some help. If you have tried everything on your own, and you still feel overwhelmed, it is time to ask for help.
What is help? It can be a book, a friend, a counselor, or any other unbiased ear or perspective that will help you get out of the mind-hole you are in.
Recognize your feelings, they are real
Are you overwhelmed? Sad? Anxious? Please recognize that these are all real and valid feelings and emotions. The sooner you recognize them, the sooner you can act on them and be able to get back on track. Remember, hiding and/or suppressing your feelings is a no-no.
Set boundaries
In the article titled Setting Boundaries, you can find some of the health benefits of setting boundaries.
- Build greater self-esteem
- Get clear on who you are, what you want, and your values and belief systems
- Bring focus to yourself and your well-being
- Enhance your mental health and emotional well-being
- Avoid burnout
- Develop independence
- Gain a greater sense of identity
If you want to avoid burnout, set boundaries and stick to them. Setting boundaries, I believe, can kind of ‘train’ the people who surround you to know what types of things they can ask from you.
The purpose of this post is merely to bring awareness. I understand that this topic is very extensive, and there is plenty more research that can be done to continue to learn about it. It is my desire that you can be the best version of yourself by taking care of you mental and physical health. Being a SAHM or a mom in general can be very overwhelming, and we need to be there for each other.
What are some ways you cope with mom burnout? I’d love to read your comments.
Sincerely,
